Those Wacky Weiners

Huma Abedin -- aka Mrs. Anthony Weiner -- popped up on right-wing radars long before the Weinergate scandal. Wingnuts started claiming in 2007 that she was Hillary Clinton's Muslim lesbian lover. (I wonder what the bigger scandal would be in their eyes -- that Hillary is with a woman, or a Muslim?)



Presumably getting married to Anthony Weiner didn't prove that Abedin wasn't a lesbian. I guess then getting pregnant doesn't prove anything, either. Viewed through this warped prism, Weiner's sexting makes sense... he married a lesbian! He needed an outlet! No wonder he was sending pictures of his raging hard-on across the country!

So if Huma is a lesbian, why get married to a man? She's not running for office. Why not just stay a single woman and fuck whoever you want in the privacy of your own home, instead of complicating things with a sham marriage? You see, it's all an elaborate ruse -- not for Huma's benefit, but for Hillary's! Because Hillary has to prove she's a heterosexual, presumably to make it easier for her to run for president in 2016. After all, we all know that five years from now the hot topic on everyone's mind is going to be, "who does 68-year-old Hillary Clinton have sex with -- Bill or Huma?" I'm sure there are millions of homophobes out there who would vote for Hillary, if only they were sure she wasn't a closeted lesbian.

All Hillary needs to do is convince every woman ever suspected of being her girlfriend to get married and then immediately get pregnant. That will surely convince everyone that Hillary is straight, and the gay haters will finally be able to vote for her.

Um. OK.

The first odd thing about the Weiner-Abedin arrangement is the fact that he's a Jew and she's a Muslim. Now we add the fact that he's a horny sex fiend and she's a lesbian.



Can we get a sit com out of this?

He's a feisty New York Jew who loves women!

She's an uptight Muslim who also loves women!

And guess what... THEY'RE HAVING A BABY!

Special guest stars -- Bill and Hillary Clinton as the godparents!

Those Wacky Weiners, coming soon to a Fox affiliate near you!

If you were gay...

Tough times for John Edwards. The former golden boy has been indicted on felony charges alleging he used $925,000 donated by campaign supporters to hush up his mistress/baby mama. Experts -- even some conservative Republicans -- say it will be a tough case to prove.

But I keep thinking about how Ann Coulter implied Edwards was gay back in 2007.



Way to prove her wrong, Johnny! Knocking up your mistress is a pretty good indication you aren't gay. Unless...

Maybe this is all just an elaborate cover-up! Wow. Way to go all out, Edwards!

All things considered, I think he'd have been better off going the Jim McGreevey route. Even in middle America, I'm pretty sure being a Gay American is better than being a douchebag who cheated on his dying wife.

What do you think, Newt?

Missing a missile?

This is a little odd:



First off, if this hadn't been captured on film by a reputable news organization, do you think the military would even admit it happened? Five thousand people could have said they saw it, there could be dozens of fuzzy videos from iPhones, and the military would be saying it's a cloud or a flock of birds or whatever.

I love this:

In a statement released Tuesday, Northern Command said they were continuing to investigate the origin of the apparent missile launch, but said they had determined "that there is no threat to our nation..."

We don't know what it is or who did it, but it's not a threat! Convincing.

Some experts say they think it's a contrail from a jet -- really? -- while others say it couldn't be a jet. Who knows.

It did remind me of this:

Investigators in Texas say a flying object that narrowly missed a Continental Express plane last month may have been a large model rocket.

The jet's pilot and co-pilot spotted the object and a long white vapor trail shortly after they took off from Houston's George Bush Intercontinental Airport on May 29. The plane was bound for Greenville, South Carolina.

Here's where the latest mystery missile event happened:


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Near Catalina Island, about 35 miles west of the coast, fairly close to Los Angeles. This isn't some remote area in the desert, so I can't really imagine the military is testing secret weapons Monday at 5 p.m. near Los Angeles.

In other news...



Happened Monday, off the coast of Baja California? That's not... it couldn't...

Nah, it happened about 12 hours before the mysterious missile launch. Ah, man! Way to kill a good conspiracy theory.