Thursday, January 31, 2013

With malice toward none

Well, we finally got around to seeing Lincoln.

I know it will win a buttload of Oscars, but... am I allowed to say I was a little bored? Was I not supposed to know that (spoiler alert!) Lincoln freed the slaves?

So if you're like me and you get bored with the actual story, you'll spend a lot of time trying to recognize all the famous actors playing people you sort of remember from American History II. Here's a chart.

“Hey, that’s…”
Abraham Lincoln
Daniel Day-Lewis
…the guy who is in every movie set in 19th century America.
Mary Todd Lincoln
Sally Field
William Seward
David Strathairn
…the guy from Good Night, and Good Luck, but let’s face it, you only know him from the Bourne movies.
Robert Lincoln
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
…the kid from Third Rock, but he’d much rather be thought of as the guy from Looper
W.N. Bilbo
James Spader
…the guy who really hopes he’s not remembered as Robert California from The Office.
Preston Blair
Hal Holbrook
…not the guy from Barney Miller. That’s Hal Linden.
Robert Latham
John Hawkes
…the Jewish guy from Deadwood.
Alexander Stephens
Jackie Earle Haley
…Kelly from Bad News Bears, Rorschach from Watchmen, or the creepy child molester from Little Children.
Edwin Stanton
Bruce McGill
…D-Day from Animal House.
George Pendleton
Peter McRobbie
…Judge Bradley on Law & Order.
Elizabeth Keckley
Gloria Reuben
…Jeanie from ER.
Clay Hawkins
Walton Goggins
…Shane from The Shield, Boyd from Justified.
Thaddeus Stevens
Tommy Lee Jones
…Tommy Lee Jones.

Lots of great actors. Lots of great acting. If you're into that kind of thing.

Personally, I preferred this Lincoln: