Where have you gone, Jorge Posada?

This week's signing of Casey Kotchman by the Indians (1 year, $3 million) probably didn't seem like a lost opportunity to most Yankee fans, but it most certainly was.

Remember, the Yankees still need a designated hitter to replace Jorge Posada (and Jesus Montero). But the good news is, since the Yankees brought back Andruw Jones to be half of the platoon (he hit .286/.384/.540 vsL last year), they only need a guy who can hit right-handed pitching, regardless of position or defensive capabilities. Easy, right?

Here are all the free agent batters still on the market, from CBS Sports. The highest OPS vs R of anybody on that list belongs to Derrek Lee (.260/.313/.470, .783), followed by Raul Ibanez (.256/.307/.440, .747) and Vlad Guerrero (.291/.315/.428, .743). Two ex-Yankees who have been brought up several times as options were even worse -- Johnny Damon (.255/.314/.401, .715) and Hideki Matsui (242/.318/.336, .654).

Posada's line against right-handed pitching last year? .269/.348/.466 (.814 OPS).

That's right. Now that Kotchman (vsR: .313/.394/.444, .838 OPS) is off the market, every remaining free agent batter had a lower OPS vs RHP than Posada did last year. Remember how Jorge was hammered last year as being washed up? We might be longing for that .814 OPS by May.

(The other option would be to use Jones as a full-time DH, but considering he hit .173/.303/.406 vsR, it's probably not a good idea.)

Yes, I know the Yankee line is "we'll use the DH as a half-day off." Sure, they can DH Alex Rodriguez once a week... but who plays third? The same guy who would play short or second -- Eduardo Nunez, who hit .259/.313/.360 vsR last year. If they DH one of the outfielders, we're back to Jones, or maybe Chris Dickerson (.237/.268/.368, .637 vsR last year).

They could try Jorge -- no, not Posada. Jorge Vazquez. The Mexican slugger has been in Scranton for two seasons now, hitting .270/.313/.526 in 2010 and .262/.314/.516 in 2011. Unfortunately, he's right-handed, and right-handed pitchers have held him to a .259/.318/.495 (.813 OPS) line. That's right around what Posada did, except Vazquez did it against Triple-A pitching. I'm all for giving Vazquez a chance, but realistically, his Scranton numbers don't indicate he's the answer.

The bottom line is every in-house option and every free agent put up weaker numbers than Posada did last year -- and it wasn't like Posada was crushing it last year.

So, what do they do? Sign Guerrero or Ibanez and hope they can turn back the clock for a year? Bring back Damon or Matsui and hope nostalgia translates into home runs? Promote Vazquez and hope he reminds us all of Shane Spencer?

Alas, hope is not a plan.

There is an X-factor -- 26-year-old centerfielder Yoenis Cespedes. As with all Cuban imports, he may not actually be 26. (I'm reminded of Brian Cashman's great line about Orlando Hernandez -- "he's 29 if he signs here, 32 if he signs anywhere else.") But a lot of people seem to think he'll be a 20/20 player with a decent batting average. The Yankees don't need a centerfielder -- they have two on the roster, with Curtis Granderson and Brett Gardner -- but having a guy who can play every outfield position is always a useful guy to have.

But someone is probably going to offer Cespedes a lot of money to be a starting centerfielder, and the Yankees seem to have found fiscal responsibility this off-season. If they couldn't beat a $3 million offer for Kotchman -- or even Jim Thome at $1.5 million -- what makes you think they're going to sign Cespedes?

So get ready for Ibanez, who will have some electrifying home run calls from John Sterling (I suggest "Ibanez, you bomb yas!") but pile up the Ks and GDPs until he's released in July to make way for whoever they can get for Dellin Betances.

But they'll still be 10 games up on the Red Sox.

It's the end of the world as we know it...

Supposedly, the end of the world begins at 6 p.m. Lots of people, including Anderson Cooper, have said "I don't know if that's Eastern time or Pacific time." Well, I do. Supposed prophet Harold Camping is quoted in this article saying it is 6 p.m. in each local time zone. It's a "rolling rapture" apparently.

Christmas Island -- how appropriate, I guess -- is the "latest time zone" according to this site. And it's now... Saturday, 6:12 p.m. on Christmas Island, and apparently all is well. I guess no apocalypse tonight. I guess just to be safe he has until Saturday at midnight before people start saying he's wrong.

He was wrong once before, in 1994. I guess he'll just break out the Bible and the calculator and come up with a new date. I doubt he'll be around in 17 years to see the next one though, as he's 89.

So what was the point? It's not like he wanted to drum up attention for his church -- the guy has been a laughingstock for a month. If he's right, his church is irrelevant (because all true believers are in heaven). If he's wrong, everyone knows he's a joke. So it couldn't have been publicity.

Could it have been... money? This article says he raised $18 million in donations... just in one year, 2009. Who knows how much he raised last year and this year. I suppose it's easy to raise money from people who think the world is about to end.

Pretty amazing that a guy who not only predicts bullshit, but predicts bullshit twice, can raise that much money!

Anyway... how many bars are going to be playing that R.E.M. song above over the next 24 hours? Boring!

If you're looking for a song to go out on, how about "Rapture" by Blondie:



(Is that Flavor Flav?! No... no it isn't.)

If the earthquakes actually start, though, sign me up for Pink Floyd.

Um... really?

I was hoping this was an April Fool's Day prank. Alas, it's still with us on April 2.



So let me get this straight. An institute of higher education -- the university that runs around proclaiming itself THE State University of New Jersey, even though there are other state universities in New Jersey -- not only pays $32,000 to an idiot, but to an idiot who has become rich and famous for trashing our state's reputation to the world. And an idiot who isn't even from New Jersey, no less.

Rutgers University's defense is that the university didn't invite her to speak there -- some students did. And the students paid for her two-hour appearance themselves, not using university funds.

If this is truly the case, then all I can say is: It's time to up your admission standards. Set the bar somewhere above moron, please.

An Open Letter to Sam Shields

Dear Sam Shields,

As a Green Bay Packer fan, I am flying high right now. You deserve big ups for your play last night -- two INTs, including the game-clincher, plus a sack and a forced fumble.

But Sam, Sam, Sam -- when you intercept the ball with a 7-point lead and less than a minute remaining, why are you running? You've won the game! You're even covering the spread! Just take a knee before you fumble the ball.



Your buddy Tramon Williams did the same thing when he picked off Michael Vick in the first round. Catch the ball and sit down!



Running with the ball after the interception was silly, but that wasn't even your most egregious mistake of the night. That would have to be your rude interruption of B.J. Raji's sexy bear dance.



Rookie, you do not jump on B.J. Raji when he is doing his thing! Who knows what awesomeness would have ensued had he been allowed to continue for another few minutes.

Now B.J. will just have to run back another pick-6 in the Super Bowl so we can see the epic conclusion. And this time I hope you keep your distance.

Respectfully,

Butch

Other Things Rush Doesn't Believe In

Not that anyone was rushing to get diet advice from Rush Limbaugh anyway, but he is advocating the so-called Twinkie Diet -- which isn't eating nothing but twinkies, but don't let the facts get in the way of a good story. Anyway, Limbaugh used the Twinkie Diet as an opportunity to bash Michelle Obama. It seems that Mrs. Obama's latest liberal cause is to combat obesity. (Who would have thought that being against obesity could be controversial, but...) The First Lady thinks you can fight obesity through diet and exercise. Limbaugh, of course, thinks diet and exercise is not how you lose weight.

I'm not kidding.

One of the reasons I know what I know is that I know liberals, and I know liberals lie, and if Michelle Obama's gonna be out there ripping into "food desserts" and saying, "This is why people are fat," I know it's not true. "Rush, do you really believe that? It's that simple to you, liberals lie?" Yes, it is, folks. Once you learn that, once you come to grips with that, once you accept that, the rest is easy. Very, very simple.

If a liberal believes it, it's wrong. Michelle Obama believes diet and exercise will help you lose weight; ergo, they won't.

A brief list of other things that liberals believe and therefore must be wrong:

• Measure twice, cut once.
• Don't run while carrying scissors.
• Split aces and 8s.
• Women and seamen don't mix.
• A bad day fishing is better than a good day working.
• Shave with the grain.
• The ground can't cause a fumble.
• Never fight a land war in Asia.*

*Apparently this one is no longer believed by liberals either.