No more "Dan Marino Play"?

The NFL adopted quite a few rules this off-season. Here's a list.

A lot of people have been talking about kickoffs from the 35 instead of the 30, challenges on all scoring plays coming from the replay official instead of the coaches, and the "Boise State Rule" outlawing playing surfaces that aren't green. But I was intrigued by this rule:

Rule 7-2-1-C: An official shall declare the ball dead and the down ended ... when a quarterback immediately drops to his knee (or simulates dropping to his knee) behind the line of scrimmage.

Does that mean the Dan Marino Play would now be considered illegal?



Sadly, no... as you can see, Marino doesn't do any shennanigans after the snap. Makes the "I'm going to spike it" motion before, but doesn't bend his knee or do anything that could be considered "simulating" a kneel down.

So I guess it's still Aaron Glenn's fault.

Improvisation!

This is great, but...

Really, you don't include this?



Or especially... this?



Come on!

Look! Up in the sky!

The United States military is apparently working on a giant spy blimp.



Two blimps, actually: The Air Force wants to call theirs "Blue Devil" (pictured above), while the Army wants their own blimp called the Long Endurance Multi-intelligence Vehicle, or LEMV (pictured below).



The Air Force wins the "cooler name" round, obviously. And it's probably not a good idea to plaster "U.S. Army" on the side of your spy blimp. I mean, sure, the bad guys are going to notice it -- it's a fucking blimp -- but at least you have a chance of someone thinking it's from Goodyear or something. "Hey look... is the Super Bowl in Fallujah this year?"

The Wired.com story is great, but even better is the comment battle over whether a blimp is easy to shoot down or tough to shoot down. The consensus seems to be that it would be easy for a first-rate military with advanced air defenses to bring one down, but that's exactly where you wouldn't use one of these things.

Of course, when I saw this, all I thought was... "Hey, cool! They've got a blimp!"

What were they offended at?

Don't get spun!

Some are claiming that the Obama impersonator at the Republican Leadership Conference was removed from the stage after poking fun at Obama's bi-racial roots.

Bullshit.

Watch the video. He's killing with the Obama jokes. Things start to go off the rails when he pokes a little fun at John Boehner, then he completely crashes and burns when he starts down the list of GOP candidates.



The Washington Post would have you believe that he was lifted because of "racially themed jokes about the President." Seriously, WaPo? Did you even watch the video before you embedded it?

Scream at your food!

I'm not a vegan, I'm not into black metal, and I'm not a chef. But somehow I love Vegan Black Metal Chef!



You can also check out Episode 1 -- pad thai!

Those Wacky Weiners

Huma Abedin -- aka Mrs. Anthony Weiner -- popped up on right-wing radars long before the Weinergate scandal. Wingnuts started claiming in 2007 that she was Hillary Clinton's Muslim lesbian lover. (I wonder what the bigger scandal would be in their eyes -- that Hillary is with a woman, or a Muslim?)



Presumably getting married to Anthony Weiner didn't prove that Abedin wasn't a lesbian. I guess then getting pregnant doesn't prove anything, either. Viewed through this warped prism, Weiner's sexting makes sense... he married a lesbian! He needed an outlet! No wonder he was sending pictures of his raging hard-on across the country!

So if Huma is a lesbian, why get married to a man? She's not running for office. Why not just stay a single woman and fuck whoever you want in the privacy of your own home, instead of complicating things with a sham marriage? You see, it's all an elaborate ruse -- not for Huma's benefit, but for Hillary's! Because Hillary has to prove she's a heterosexual, presumably to make it easier for her to run for president in 2016. After all, we all know that five years from now the hot topic on everyone's mind is going to be, "who does 68-year-old Hillary Clinton have sex with -- Bill or Huma?" I'm sure there are millions of homophobes out there who would vote for Hillary, if only they were sure she wasn't a closeted lesbian.

All Hillary needs to do is convince every woman ever suspected of being her girlfriend to get married and then immediately get pregnant. That will surely convince everyone that Hillary is straight, and the gay haters will finally be able to vote for her.

Um. OK.

The first odd thing about the Weiner-Abedin arrangement is the fact that he's a Jew and she's a Muslim. Now we add the fact that he's a horny sex fiend and she's a lesbian.



Can we get a sit com out of this?

He's a feisty New York Jew who loves women!

She's an uptight Muslim who also loves women!

And guess what... THEY'RE HAVING A BABY!

Special guest stars -- Bill and Hillary Clinton as the godparents!

Those Wacky Weiners, coming soon to a Fox affiliate near you!

If you were gay...

Tough times for John Edwards. The former golden boy has been indicted on felony charges alleging he used $925,000 donated by campaign supporters to hush up his mistress/baby mama. Experts -- even some conservative Republicans -- say it will be a tough case to prove.

But I keep thinking about how Ann Coulter implied Edwards was gay back in 2007.



Way to prove her wrong, Johnny! Knocking up your mistress is a pretty good indication you aren't gay. Unless...

Maybe this is all just an elaborate cover-up! Wow. Way to go all out, Edwards!

All things considered, I think he'd have been better off going the Jim McGreevey route. Even in middle America, I'm pretty sure being a Gay American is better than being a douchebag who cheated on his dying wife.

What do you think, Newt?